ecojava: My dilemma

I’m falling behind on my writing and for no good reason. Perhaps my thoughts have been too scattered to convey any one message. So I am finally going to stop trying to focus and just write. I can’t think of a better way to figure out my own feelings.

Week #3 went pretty smoothly. No major bug incidents occurred. We went from 3 volunteers (myself included) to 5. Four of the five are long-term volunteers, so it should be interesting to have a more permanent group here. Frank continues to be a lingering obstacle in my pursuit of la pura vida. I have confronted him on a couple issues, which seem to only make matters worse. He makes me out to be the complainer, while the others get off scott free by saying nothing to his face but badmouthing him constantly behind his back. A bit frustrating.

One of the concerns I shared with him was that I wasn’t learning enough about coffee, though I made it crystal clear prior to arriving that was a primary reason for my visit. I remember talking to him on the phone, saying that I just didn’t want either of us to end up disappointed, and he said something like ‘well, I certainly don’t want to see any long faces around here.’ As it turns out, he hardly knows anything about coffee. He’s not even sure what color coffee beans he should pick (definitely a bad sign). However, he makes no apology for misleading me nor does he seem to empathize with my frustration.

Now my other main frustration is how he treats women. In a nutshell. he is a sexist pig. (Note, this is all aside from him hitting on me when I first arrived.) Whenever Angel isn’t running the day’s activities, Frank will give the female volunteers (me and Martha) the lame, boring tasks, like weeding or raking, while the men go around carrying machetes, whacking down trees and building things. You know, I really don’t need to say any more about what a bastard he is. I’ve figured out my feelings: I really despise this man. It’s really unfortunate because I really wanted to find a way to at least sort of like him. (Note: creep is pictured above)

Then there is Angel, who I previously referred to as the anti-Frank. Well, as it turns out, there is an unfortunate similarity. Like Frank, Angel has no problem hitting on a volunteer. And unfortunately, that volunteer would be me :( I’m not sure exactly what happened, as it all seemed to happen so fast, but awesome new friend somehow turned into crazy friend having feelings for me, blowing me kisses, whispering mi reina in my ear. Ughhh. Why????? I don’t understand why I attract this kind of nonsense. I guess our friendship was just too good to be true. However, unlike Frank, Angel continues to be exceptionally generous and patient with all of us and I can’t take any of that away from him. And since our relationship was built on joking around, I can’t take his come-ons too seriously. I guess a part of me still hopes it’s all a joke. (Note: loco is pictured above)

I will say no more about the details of my weird problems. The last I ever wanted to blog about was problems with men, but what can you do. Life is just full of surprises. It is sufficient to say that I feel conflicted about what to do next. I don’t enjoy working for Frank. I don’t like the way I feel around him or the ugliness my own thoughts about him. However, I love love love Costa Rica and I want to experience it to the fullest. I have contacted the WWOOF organization and informed them about my situation and they plan to evict Frank from the program. (I haven’t actually given them his name yet and am not sure I should until I have an exit strategy). I am considering going to a different farm, but am finding that so many have hidden fees that aren’t listed in the packet. WWOOF wants to remove those farms too, as they are not supposed to be charging volunteers. So, as usual, I’m stirring things up, speaking my mind…that’s just my way of making things right:)