reflecting reflecting and more reflecting

I can’t believe I’ve been here almost a whole month. Reflecting on my experience so far, I feel that perhaps it’s a bit lacking. By that I mean that I haven’t really added as many interesting experiences or stories to my repertoire as I had a month into my time in Hawai’i or Costa Rica. That’s okay though, and you know why? I came here with two basic expectations: isolation, and the opportunity to do a lot of reflecting, which I certainly have done.

The isolation factor has been, undoubtedly, a challenge, but isn’t that what an adventure is about? A time to challenge yourself, to see what you’re made of, to test your physical and mental adaptability to a new environment, and to integrate new perspectives into your life? I suppose, if I look at it this way, it has been a pretty intense adventure. I’ve had to adapt to being alone with my thoughts, A LOT, and that alone is quite the challenge. For one, it makes me very aware of them, a bit uncomfortably so. In regular life, it seems rare to actually see a thought through to its end. Usually you get interrupted by some regular life incident/stimulus, like the phone ringing or someone calling your attention, and you happily put the thought to the side. Sort of like, hmm, that was a nice healthy bit of thinking, glad I did that, ok, on with my day. Here though, there isn’t much to distract me from my thoughts, so I’m pretty much stuck with them, forced to confront them and thus confront myself.

For example, this project I’m about to start, the YouTube coffee channel…well, I could easily have started it already. I’m actually quite anxious to start it. I think about it constantly. I make up excuses to myself for why I haven’t, but because I have so much damn free thinking time, I am forced to find the truth within myself. Then I realize that it’s fear, which then leads me to realize that it’s the fear that it won’t be perfect, which then leads me to realize that my perfectionism could very well have a crippling effect on my life. Ahhh, see? This is what too much thinking leads to: very real answers.

Not only do I end up seeing my thoughts through, but I also have become quite astute at noticing my thought patterns. The more aware I am, the more I notice that I think the same things over and over and over, day after day. I was somewhat aware that the human mind works in this way, but now that I can catch it, I can rebel! How dare I waste my mind on the same old thoughts?! It’s no easy task to break out of the habit, but when I do, my soul stirs with excitement about where my mind can take me. And now it ventures into some pretty interesting unexplored territory.

So though it can sometimes be tough and taxing on the mind, I have to say I’m getting a lot out of this situation, learning a lot about myself, and developing a new skill for navigating this life. God knows, I’ll take any skill I can get my hands on. If I can last like this for a couple months, I’m pretty sure I’d turn out a stronger person. So I suggest to anyone to spend, even for a little while, some time isolated from the world. You might go on an adventure…with yourself:)